who could not understand why time waits for no man when yet another year whizzed us by.so here we are,reminiscing on the past year,rejoicing at the thought of some,lamenting at others.i am no exception.heres my story;

i guess as we all grow older,we think a little more.we tend to search for ourselves more from deep within and i believe this year was my best year,not because i attained nirvana nor was it because i accomplished alot,which on the contrary,i did not.but through the year,i finally got to know myself more.i learnt to differentiate khainam from nam.

khainam is a man who lets his emotion runs,somebody who allows tears to flow as soon as he gets overwhelmed by his surroundings,the people he interact with.somebody who is not afraid to show that he's afraid.somebody who agree to disagree.somebody who always put reality into dreams.somebody who treasures family more than anything else.somebody who detest smashing parties.

nam(as known by many others),on the other hand,is a cheeky boy of a pretty extroverted nature,who never grows up.someone who acts without thinking.someone who gets high on soda.someone who loves to put dreams into reality.someone who achieved so much on the non academics-side.someone who loves to party.someone who treasures friend ties more than blood relation.someone who has everything.

"..it's nothing but some feelings that this old dog kicked up.."

besides it being a year of self realisation,the past year had been,such a desperate trying year.

in the beginning,i tried not to bothered by my dumb finger injury sustained during the national team trials in 2006 which eventually,i wouldnt say wholly but in a way,cost me a trip to taiwan with some of my team mates.

then i tried searching for jobs but to no avail,got a job at daddy's childhood playmate company as an accounting office boy.i tried to like my job.i tried to understand that office job is probably what i would face in my career path,only to realise that i really detest office jobs!

just when i started making plans for my future and looked forward to national service,my hopes came crashing with those horrible D E E O C6 listed on my result slips.upon receiving my results,i tried to shake my worries off when true friends stood by and gave me support.truth to be spoken,i started belittling myself and had doubts on my capabilities.soaked pillow covers were what greeted me every morning from the night of weeping quietly in the nights.

unlike the O's when i just stood by and watched things flow,this time round i took more charge in my own decisions.i tried to appeal for a repeat of my A's,i tried to seek for the best possible way out,running to saint francis methodist to ask if they do accept A level repeats,making trips to singapore rugby union to get verification,rushing to MI,only to be shunned by the principal,trying to get help from mrs helen in saint andrews.those hectic days paid off as i was finally accepted into MI and i guess those days changed my year and my mindset.i must say,i was more focused thereafter and i learnt to prioritised more effectively.

a new school greeted me on 19th March.i do not deny the distinctive culture shock,but i tried to integrate into my new school,i tried to mix with a class who had been through thick and thin fro three solid years.it was quite like a sudden intrusion into their class life and i felt like i was part of the survivor crew,trying to get into the good books and play the game so that people in that class would not detest your intrusion.

much to my delight,all my efforts paid off as i learn to enjoy more in the new environment.i met new people and made really nice friends who would stand by you.many thanks to jeff,david and salman in particular.the few gems i found in a brand new environment.

"..how many special people change,how many lives are living strange.."

i tried to put away with the social stigma of being a repeat student,or what they called,the jc reject.i tried to strive for a better A's.i tried to complete my tutorials and do my revision everyday.i cant say i did those diligently,but im sure it was better than 2006.

i tried to live with an operated hand and tried not to drift away too far from the rugby scene because of my surgery.i tried to stay in close contacts with the boys.i couldnt help but drift further and further away.all of a sudden,the much devoted time i spent on rugby and the achievements i managed in the year 2006 became part of my history.for now,i could only sit here looking forward to the day i could step back into the field again.

i tried to deal with farewells and eternal partings.i tried to get over my uncle's tragic end but only to find myself fearing for the future and fearing at the thought of losing a loved one more.i tried to deal with goodbyes.i see friends come and go all my life,but the past year saw lots going but few coming.many shifted abroad,some traveled overseas for their studies,others just got trapped somewhere in the globe,where i cant seem to reach with the ubiquitous advanced telecommunications.dear friends out there who are reading this,drop me something and let me know youre fine,wherever you are.

i tried not to fall in love so i could focus on my academics but failed.i fell in love with this beautiful lady who,instead of pulling me away from the books,motivated me daily and made me better prepared mentally for my A's.she was my best friend,my lover and my confidante.someone i cared about the most,someone whom i will share my joy and tears with,someone who cared for me,someone who never really left my side through the six months of our journey,before the worst hit us and parted us.

i tried not to hurt girls,i tried not to make girls cry.but 2007 saw me making her cry.i tried to voice out my concerns,i tried to let her know what was wrong in our relationship.in a sense,they could be solved,but it would not be easy because i cant accept things readily.i tried not to be selfish.i tried not to be too sensitive,but im sensitive by nature and when god created me,i reckon HE added in a pinch too much of jealousy and emotions.perhaps thats why they say,scorpios are the best lovers,but also the best haters,who remembers wrongdoings for life.

i tried to move on despite the void,i tried to apologise.i tried to care and let things flow,i tried to make her understand,i tried to stay around.but i know in a couple of days time,i would not be around readily and perhaps,we might drift further and further apart.

i tried to let you know that your birthday gift made me felt real bad.the love you showered on me was the best but it's just not the right time for us,or me at least.i tried to carry on,but i found myself hurting you more.

i tried to spend more time with my family knowing that when police calls,i would have very limited time with the people i cherished most.at least for the next two years to come.

thankyou year 2007,you made me realised so much more in life.

thankyou felicia for staying around and the many happy moments we shared together.

thankyous to 05S15,and my brotherhood of love who has never fail to put that smile on my face.

thankyou to 05S5 which made learning more enjoyable and special thanks to jeff and anand who were always around to listen.

thankyous to my mates in saint andrew's rugby team.the usual few who made me feel so homely.

thankyou sharon for always being around to chat and lending me your listening ear since i left national junior college (:

thankyou mr gilbert lee whose economics knowledge amazes,whose motivation and life stories work wonders and for the extra mile he wouldnt mind travelling just to ensure we're all doing fine.

finally,thankYOU for enduring this long entry.have a blessed year ahead.happy 2008.

"..fill your life with love and bravery,and you shall lead,a life uncommon.."